FamLEAD

Parenting is fun and exhausting and rewarding and challenging and everything in between. And that’s true at every stage, even though it looks different. When they’re really little, they’re fun and cute and also physically exhausting. Your sleep is disrupted. You’re physically on the floor with them, constantly chasing them and keeping them from hurting themselves. As they grow up, it’s all still tiring, but it shifts from physical exhaustion to mental exhaustion. I’ve got kids in two...

Many fathers are drawn to my program because of the fun and inspiring projects. Defining your family's mission and values. Casting a vision for the kind of people you want your kids to become. Creating rites of passage and core memories. That's the part most men want to jump to. You could carve out a weekend and get it all on paper. But without a proper foundation underneath, it becomes a one-time project that never holds and gets forgotten. You can cast a vision to a wife who's quietly...

It's been a hard few weeks at the Kroes house. Work stress and home stress at the same time, including helping our 16 year old navigate a breakup that's been more emotional and complicated than I expected. I won't say more than that publicly. It's her story more than mine. The whole situation has me thinking about a handful of things I believe, and it's sharpened a few of them. Here are the most important truths I’ve come back to. We can't control outcomes. We can't control the choices other...

Spring of last year I was out in the pasture catching goats for their annual shots. I'd just turned 40. Everyone talks about your body going downhill after 40. I lunged at a particularly skittish goat and felt a snap in my left arm. I knew right away it was bad. I looked down and my bicep was deformed. The tendon had torn off my elbow and the muscle had retracted up toward my shoulder. I had surgery that week to reattach it. Then I was in a brace for months that started me locked at 90...

"I work hard to give you an incredible life and it seems like it's not good enough for you." "All you really seem to care about is your work." "I have to go to work all day while you get to pick your schedule and be with the kids." "You get to go to work while I'm left with a million things to do and hardly any time with another adult." Or the one a lot of dual-income couples know. "We both work full time, but I'm carrying most of the load at home." Sometimes both are thinking it. I hate to...

Guys ask me what an average day or week actually looks like in my house. I think it's because I'll share a story here or there about something we've tried. The reality is that those experiments fail more often than they work. But every so often something sticks. And the things that stick are what an average week is made of. Your life is mostly the accumulation of the ordinary. It's the sum of your average days and weeks, stacked into months and years. The special stuff gets sprinkled in: big...

I paid $75 for a 30-day self-improvement program built for working dads. I tend to dislike spending money. That means I usually go for the free or low cost thing I can implement myself. It also means that when I actually do spend money, it hurts a little. The $75 stung enough to make sure I got started. But I didn't do the program with anyone, and I didn't tell anyone I was doing it. I never finished it. Nothing stuck. It prescribed all the good and expected things. Wake up early. Drink...

Guys, This week Brit and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. I'm finishing this up today after getting back from an overnight in Boise, about a 30 minute drive from where we live in Caldwell. We do these mini-vacations a couple times per year for anniversaries or birthdays. Highly recommend. I'm feeling inspired to do a "20 lessons from 20 years married," but I don't want to just send some generic list. Instead, I want to share the things I've mostly learned the hard way....

Recently, I sat down and filled out the “Family Leadership Scorecard”. I've been sending it to other men for months. It’s 12 questions, about five minutes, and gives an honest overview of where your family actually sits. I run it on myself every few months as part of a quarterly review, and I do the same thing with the guys I work with. My lowest number came back on family connection. Summer has given opportunity for vacations and creating great memories, but it's also disrupted our normal...

I get home and walk through the garage. Shoes are scattered everywhere by the door. I walk inside and see cups and plates on the coffee table. Clothes are draped over the backs of chairs. There are crumbs and food left out on the kitchen counter. It's summer and they've been home all day. I asked for the dishwasher to be unloaded and a couple other simple things to be done before I got home. Now I'm walking through the house raising my voice, trying to find everyone so I can tell them to get...