FamLEAD

Picture this. You're 75 years old. Your kids are in their 40s and 50s. They're sitting around a table with their own kids, and someone asks: "What was it like growing up in your house?" What do you want them to say? Do you want them to remember a dad who was always working? Always distracted? Physically present but emotionally absent? Or do you want them to remember shared meals, bedtime prayers, camping trips, and hard conversations? A dad who showed up. Who listened. Who led with strength...

Guys, I failed as a dad this week. But the family is better off for it. Let me explain. It's a busy month. That's why it's been a couple of weeks since I've sent one of these out. I've launched another 30 day cohort of guys. And at my full time job at Because International, we're replacing two people after going quite a long time without losing anyone. I've felt myself bring some of the stress home. To be honest, I feel extra pressure to be a great dad. It's one of the most important things...

Dad and his two boys. I'm on the left, my older brother Nick waving on the right. It started in the summer of 2017. Dad described it as tiredness in his legs. The week before, he’d been unable to finish walking all 18 holes. My dad had turned into an avid golfer. Years ago, he was the superintendent of a golf course in Oregon. We moved to Idaho when I was seven. He didn’t play much those early years. He was too busy. And maybe when something’s your job, you’re less likely to hang around when...

“Rough. Tough. Enough.” Those were the three words that Carter used to describe the experience after we’d all hiked back. Last summer, Carter and two of his teenage cousins hiked deep into Idaho’s backcountry weighed down by full packs. They had no tent, minimal food and ten survival tools they selected from a list of options they’d been given days before. They scaled up and over two ridges before arriving at a high altitude glacial lake. They set up camp. They caught fish for dinner. They...

Across twenty years of marriage, Brittany and I have been through a lot including raising four kids, shifting careers and dealing with sickness and tragedy. We’ve survived certain seasons, each of us doing our part to get through one week at a time. That's not a bad marriage, but I've had a nagging feeling that it's less than what it could be. The question I keep coming back to: what are we actually building together? About a week ago an interview was posted that gave me some additional...

Brittany and I are coming up on twenty years of marriage and twenty-five years together. By almost any measure, we have a great thing. Four kids, a life we're proud of, a relationship that has survived some genuinely hard seasons. But recently it's been better than ever. And one of the things that changed is that I stopped following advice I'd been given for years. The advice wasn't necessarily bad. It sounded right. It felt loving. For a long time, I thought I was doing the right thing by...

This week is session four of eight of the Brotherhood series: guys that are meeting together to discuss what it means to lead our families extraordinarily well. The first three sessions have been heavy on diagnosis. We defined family leadership. We mapped the two ditches, the pitfalls that each of us are most susceptible to. We spent serious time in the abdication ditch and called out the Nice Guy patterns most of us carry to some degree. And we looked honestly at the domination ditch too:...

The other night we were playing a game as a family. One of those goofy games where you make up answers and try to be funny. At the end, my 15-year-old daughter looked at me and said, "You weren't very funny. I thought you were funnier." My daughter is pretty direct and matter-of-fact. I laughed when she said it. And then later that evening, as I was falling asleep, I was replaying that game in my head. I thought I was kind of funny. Well, that one thing I wrote down was pretty dumb. I should...

After working with my latest cohort of guys, I've made some big changes based on all I've learned. This whole thing started last year when I put together a simple quick-start blueprint to help men lead their families better. It was a ten minute read that provided some immediate wins. Now, a year after working closely with dozens of guys primarily through "30 day Sprints", I've used those learnings, my own experience along with research and best practices to formalize The Family Leadership...

Guys, Some of you are part of our group that’s meeting in person every other week. We’ll be back together in person on Wednesday. Others are using this content to discuss with other men in their lives or even to self-reflect. My group is meeting through end of May before a summer break, and I’ll continue to share these discussion topics every two weeks. Recap Over the past month, we’ve covered a lot of ground. We first established the foundation: what family leadership actually is, why it...

You kids are so ungrateful! That's a phrase I remember hearing growing up. It was probably true in almost every case. As my four kids get older, I'm better understanding the emotion behind my parents saying that. My ancestry includes WWII immigrants from the Netherlands. After the war, my maternal grandfather came to the US with his brother and little else. Life has changed dramatically in a couple short generations, and it's hard not to contrast the difficulties he experienced with the...