I bought a program to turn my sons into men

Earlier this year I came across a program that promises to help turn my sons into men.

It had just launched, was in high-demand, and would likely take a couple months to arrive. I paid the $150 and then almost forgot about it.

But recently, it arrived. And I want to give you my first impressions.

When it comes to family leadership, one of the pillars I teach is "Leaders Develop Others." Leaders make leaders. This is true outside and inside the home.

The most important development work I'll ever do isn't with my team at the office. It's the slow work of guiding my kids toward adulthood. And for a father raising sons, part of that job is specific. I'm responsible for helping my boys become men.

I first had to get clear on what that even means. I’m a man now, but when exactly was I no longer a boy and officially a man?

A few years ago I started casting a vision by using a simple framework: knowledge, skills, character, connection. When my kids walk out my front door as adults, what do I want them to know? What do I want them to be able to do? What kind of people do I want them to be? And what do I want to be able to say about our relationship?

I sat down more than once and wrote it out. I listed a dozen topics I want my kids to understand that they're not getting from church or school. And then a dozen or more skills I want them to master before they leave. And most important, I detailed the values and character traits I hope they carry out the door.

Those lists became the vision. But a vision is only valuable when paired with a plan to make it happen. I didn’t yet have a plan for making it happen incrementally, week over week, across the long stretch of their teen years.

I've written before about Man Camp, the week I took my son Carter into the Idaho backcountry with his cousins to mark the start of his move toward manhood. That was a milestone moment. It was a peak experience. I still believe in those, but a peak is a single day on a calendar. You can't turn a boy into a man on peaks alone. You need the daily and weekly rhythms underneath them, the steady reinforcing work that the milestone moments sit on top of. That's the part I was missing. And that’s the gap that I hoped the $150 program might help fill.

It's called the Stronger Boy Way. It's a patch system. Boys earn physical patches as they complete challenges across what they call the four core identities of manhood: Protector, Provider, Leader, Lover.

One thing upfront. Warrior Poet markets this louder and more combative than how I tend to communicate. But I share a lot of the heart here and there’s plenty of values-alignment. The substance underneath the packaging is ultimately what won me over.

Here are a few more details. There are sixty challenges across the four pillars, at three levels of difficulty. Some you can knock out in an afternoon. Others take a year or more of real dedication and aren't for every boy. The point isn't to earn all sixty. Completing a pillar requires ten patches. The range is what got me. Theologian. First Aid. The Chef. Land Navigation. Self-Defense. The Poet. It's knowledge, skills, and character all sitting in one place, which mapped almost perfectly onto the vision I'd already been carrying around in my head.

My sons are 13 and 9. I knew Dillon, my 9 year old, would love it right away. I wasn’t as sure about Carter. When he first saw the packaging, he thought it was a little cheesy, which is what you might expect from a teenager. Then he flipped through the book, read some of the advanced challenges, and I watched his face change . Carter has already accomplished some truly difficult things. He became quickly convinced this would be a challenge, even for him.

I'd have started Carter on this a couple years ago if I could have. The marketing lands better for a younger boy. But it turns out he's already earned 17 patches, more than a few of them at Man Camp last summer. Now he's working toward the rest while helping me guide his little brother through it. And honestly, I didn’t do anything close to this growing up. So I’m going to learn a few things and have challenges of my own as I go through this with my boys.

This is an early review. I'll have a stronger opinion six months from now when we're deeper into the challenges. But I like what I see, and I wanted to share it while it's fresh.

The big takeaway: intentional fatherhood requires both vision and a plan of action. Leaders cast vision, but vision without a plan of action is just a dream.

One more thing. I don't want to add things that just feel like projects to complete. I want opportunities to have fun and connect. I want my boys to grow up knowing certain things and having specific skills. But more than that, I want them to have memories of the adventures and experiences we had together.

The Stronger Boy Way is one of many systems I’m using to organize all I’m doing to lead my family intentionally. Milestone moments give you the peaks. Systems lead to weekly rhythms that do the real work in between.

And this is a reminder that you shouldn’t do this alone. This is hard work that’s also fun and rewarding. Other men are on this same journey. We succeed when we share what we’re learning, hold each other accountable, and celebrate with each other.

Ask me anything. I respond to every message and email. And I’d love to hear if you have experience with anything similar.

Let’s keep leading together.

-Andrew

208-880-8285 | andrew@fam-lead.com