FamLEAD

Picture this. You're 75 years old. Your kids are in their 40s and 50s. They're sitting around a table with their own kids, and someone asks: "What was it like growing up in your house?" What do you want them to say? Do you want them to remember a dad who was always working? Always distracted? Physically present but emotionally absent? Or do you want them to remember shared meals, bedtime prayers, camping trips, and hard conversations? A dad who showed up. Who listened. Who led with strength...

Recently, I sat down and filled out the “Family Leadership Scorecard”. I've been sending it to other men for months. It’s 12 questions, about five minutes, and gives an honest overview of where your family actually sits. I run it on myself every few months as part of a quarterly review, and I do the same thing with the guys I work with. My lowest number came back on family connection. Summer has given opportunity for vacations and creating great memories, but it's also disrupted our normal...

I get home and walk through the garage. Shoes are scattered everywhere by the door. I walk inside and see cups and plates on the coffee table. Clothes are draped over the backs of chairs. There are crumbs and food left out on the kitchen counter. It's summer and they've been home all day. I asked for the dishwasher to be unloaded and a couple other simple things to be done before I got home. Now I'm walking through the house raising my voice, trying to find everyone so I can tell them to get...

Recently I took my 16 year old daughter out. Over lunch we talked about how she'll be graduating in less than two years. I asked lots of open-ended questions, leading with genuine curiosity about what she's thinking about (and what she isn't). The conversation ended up focusing mostly on her desire to be a wife and mom. There's never been one proven path for everyone. But for a long time, college was close to a sure bet. You went, you graduated, and you came out with a degree and a social...

When my kids are zoned out on a screen, they're not loud. They're not complaining. They're not making a mess or doing something that could end with a trip to the emergency room. We can hand our kids a screen and finish what we're doing, get our work done, or even zone out on our own screen. Screens make everything easier in the short run. The problem, of course, is the long-term tradeoff we're making. When our oldest was born in 2010, smartphones were still becoming mainstream, and social...

Earlier this year I came across a program that promises to help turn my sons into men. It had just launched, was in high-demand, and would likely take a couple months to arrive. I paid the $150 and then almost forgot about it. But recently, it arrived. And I want to give you my first impressions. When it comes to family leadership, one of the pillars I teach is "Leaders Develop Others." Leaders make leaders. This is true outside and inside the home. The most important development work I'll...

This week I’m sitting in the tension of competing values. I help dads lead at home, and I’m pulling hours away from my own family. The dads I work with feel the same pressure. The pressure to provide financially. To be the friend and son and brother you want to be. To be the husband your wife deserves and a father who won't have big regrets after the kids move out. And you also know you're supposed to set aside time for yourself. You feel stretched thin in so many directions. That's where I...

My family is back a week early from our big international vacation. Brittany and I spent four days in Paris. Then we met up with my mom and the kids in Holland and spent another four days driving around the country, seeing where my grandparents grew up and meeting distant cousins. From there, the plan was to meet up in Kenya for 10 days with three other families who are big supporters of Because International and "The Shoe That Grows." But with the Ebola situation in neighboring countries, we...

Guys, I failed as a dad this week. But the family is better off for it. Let me explain. It's a busy month. That's why it's been a couple of weeks since I've sent one of these out. I've launched another 30 day cohort of guys. And at my full time job at Because International, we're replacing two people after going quite a long time without losing anyone. I've felt myself bring some of the stress home. To be honest, I feel extra pressure to be a great dad. It's one of the most important things...

Dad and his two boys. I'm on the left, my older brother Nick waving on the right. It started in the summer of 2017. Dad described it as tiredness in his legs. The week before, he’d been unable to finish walking all 18 holes. My dad had turned into an avid golfer. Years ago, he was the superintendent of a golf course in Oregon. We moved to Idaho when I was seven. He didn’t play much those early years. He was too busy. And maybe when something’s your job, you’re less likely to hang around when...

“Rough. Tough. Enough.” Those were the three words that Carter used to describe the experience after we’d all hiked back. Last summer, Carter and two of his teenage cousins hiked deep into Idaho’s backcountry weighed down by full packs. They had no tent, minimal food and ten survival tools they selected from a list of options they’d been given days before. They scaled up and over two ridges before arriving at a high altitude glacial lake. They set up camp. They caught fish for dinner. They...