Here's my family's actual week, hour by hour

Guys ask me what an average day or week actually looks like in my house.

I think it's because I'll share a story here or there about something we've tried. The reality is that those experiments fail more often than they work. But every so often something sticks. And the things that stick are what an average week is made of.

Your life is mostly the accumulation of the ordinary. It's the sum of your average days and weeks, stacked into months and years. The special stuff gets sprinkled in: big family vacations, milestone moments as kids age, a surprise party or another special event. Those matter, but they don't represent the majority.

Your kids' childhood is mostly the ordinary that happens every week, and the ordinary is what's forming them.

So here's my ordinary week raising four kids, ages 9, 10, 13, and 16 on a hobby farm with too many goats, pigs, and chickens.

One thing before the list. This is what a "perfect week" looks like when everything goes according to schedule. So it's not what every week looks like. I filled out my own scorecard assessment a few weeks ago and my lowest number came back on family connection, because summer wrecked our rhythms and my personal routine and some of our family rhythms got derailed. So read this as the target we keep coming back to.

Mornings are mine

5:30 Wake up. A few chapters in my Bible, then a short walk outside to think and pray.

6:00 Writing.

6:30 Exercise. Weights and a stationary bike out in the garage, alternating.

7:30 Say goodbye to the kids as they head off to school. Get ready and start the workday.

Mornings are when I make sure I'm leading myself and being led well. When my mornings are happening, I find that I still have my best energy in the evenings when my family needs me most.

Evenings are family

5:30 Dinner together when we can, screen free and sitting together, even if it’s not the entire family.

7:00 Phone goes on the charger until morning. And no more personal snacking.

8:00 Play with the kids - the pool, the trampoline, cards, a board game.

8:45 Devotions and bed with the younger two.

9:00 Time with the older two and Brittany.

10:00 Lights out.

Dinner together is honestly the thing we're thinking about most right now. Sports practices and games impact this more than I'd like. And my 7pm rule is something newer. I tend toward decompressing by eating and finding an opportunity to get on my phone in the evenings. But this is when the family needs each other most.

Friday night is ours

Brittany and I each get our own Costco cauliflower pizza. We take them to our bedroom, put on a show and lock the door.

We've been doing this for years and the kids usually know to leave us alone. They still sometimes ask to play, but I smile and tell them it's Friday night and how much I'm looking forward to spending time with their mom.

Saturdays

Normal morning routine.

Then whatever the day holds. Sports, a family outing, extended family, a birthday party. Sometimes just chores and projects around the farm.

Afternoon, Brittany and I usually go out for appetizers somewhere. This one is basically our weekly family leadership team meeting. Friday night doesn't have an agenda, but Saturday is where we get into discussion about the family. What's working well, what isn't, and anything else we're both thinking about.

And then we end with Saturday family movie night.

Sundays

No work, no screens.

Church in the morning.

Then lunch. Once a month we go out to lunch as a whole family and rotate who gets to choose. The other Sundays, Brittany and I each take one kid out. We rotate, so each kid gets a 1on1 lunch every month or so.

Afternoon is family time.

And then Sunday family dinner where we also invite the widowed grandmothers. We start our weekly family meeting right at the table while they're still there, and then finish it as just our family after the grandmas head home.

Evening is games or whatever else together.

Brotherhood

Every other week, I meet with a small group of men. We report on what we said we'd do and we tell the truth about how it went. This rhythm includes the accountability that keeps the other ones going. And when we have specific issues we’re working through or a crisis we’re navigating, we process through it together.

Next Steps

Here's the potential problem with me sharing this. What works in my house might not work in yours. Your kids are different ages and have particular needs. Your wife is wired differently than mine. Your work has different demands.

But I do have a short list I'd give any man and his family.

Something in the morning that's yours. Get up before the family. Read something that’s pulling you up. Move your body. All before you reach for your phone.

Regular one-on-one time with your wife and with each kid. Group time matters, but so does consistent 1on1 time, undistracted. Five minutes counts.

A weekly family dinner with a meeting attached. Maybe you already have dinner together most nights. Fantastic. This is one of the highest leverage things you can be doing as a family. Or maybe you never do. Either way, pick one night each week you can protect, and then attach a family meeting to the dinner. Family meetings are simpler than they sound.

Protected time with your wife alone. Weekly if you can, a stay-in date or take her out.

That's the short list I'd hand to everyone. Everything else on my schedule is the result of years of experiments. And I'm still experimenting with new things. Not in an attempt to chase the perfect schedule. But more because it's fun. We get to try new things and see what the family thinks.

One last note. If you're reading this and feeling inspired to do something about it, don't overhaul your week. That all-or-nothing mentality is a mistake. Instead, pick three things.

One that levels up your self-leadership. Fill your own cup so you're leading from the overflow instead of what's left.

One that deepens your individual connection with your wife and with each kid.

One thing weekly that connects the whole family.

Then tell someone. Find the guy in your life who'll actually follow up. If you don't have that guy, reply to this email and tell me what you picked. I'll follow up in a few weeks and personally ask how it's going.

You don't need my program to do this. But this is the work I do with a small group of men. I've seen what tends to work and what doesn't, and I experimented for years so that your experiments don't have to last as long.

Here's my most important learning. When another guy knows exactly what you committed to, you actually do it. That's the difference between a good intention vs. lasting change.

So that's what you get from my program. Speed and follow-through. If you're interested in learning more, shoot me a note. I'll ask a few questions and tell you straight whether it's a fit.

Keep leading.

-Andrew

P.S. Tell me what stands out here. Better yet, tell me what your family does that works and isn't on my list. I'd love to learn from what you've experimented with.

P.P.S. A few of you will read the family meeting piece and think it sounds complicated. It isn't. Email me at andrew@fam-lead.com and I'll send you a free guide that walks you through it.