I messed up this past weekend

Hey guys,

Well, I messed up pretty good and figured I'd tell you about it.

I talk often about “Protector” being one of the core responsibilities of a husband, father, and leader of the family. I failed at that role over the weekend.

I left the garage door open all night… along with leaving the garage lights on.

I’ll skip the excuses. The simple reality is that, as the father and leader of my home, it’s my job to scan for threats, including physical ones, and make sure those risks are consistently addressed. Mistakes like these are on me.

Some of you dads might immediately see this as a big deal. Theft, or God forbid, someone coming into the house to hurt one of us is the worst-case scenario.

Others might see it as a low-risk mistake. Maybe you live in a safe part of town or grew up in a neighborhood where the doors were always unlocked and nothing bad ever happened.

That was me too. I grew up in suburban Idaho, where unlocked doors weren’t a big issue. We never experienced a break-in or any scary moments.

Although I try to be careful with things like this, Brittany is far more sensitive to it than I am. She’ll double-check that the window I like to leave cracked, the one I’m sure no one could ever climb through, is not only shut but locked. She’ll wake up at 1 a.m. worrying about whether everything’s secure (a concern I’ve now fully fed into...ugh). She locks cars parked in the garage. She gets gut feelings about people that I don’t always understand.

I used to dismiss those concerns. If she voiced them, I’d rationalize probabilities and tell her not to worry so much. I’d say that things like dogs, cameras, or firearms are overkill. If I messed up and forgot to lock something, I’d make excuses and minimize her concerns, probably to make myself feel better about my mistake.

Here’s what I’ve realized:

First, something can be a low probability and still be high impact if it ever happens. That alone makes it worth paying attention to and managing the risk. Brittany is right, and I need to lean into her perspective.

Second, there are things we do for our family not just because they make sense logically, but because they matter to someone we love. Being attentive to others’ needs is a sign of care.

It’s easy to neglect our role as physical protectors in a world where most dangers seem spiritual, emotional, or digital. But physical risks still exist, and biologically, your wife and daughters are more sensitive to them than you are.

This can feel at odds with another principle I stress: that overprotecting kids can rob them of experiences and growth. The difference is in what kind of risk we’re managing. Let the kids climb the tree, scrape their knees, and ride their bikes to the store. Those risks build strength. But there’s no benefit to leaving the house unlocked at night.

So ask your wife what risks she thinks about. Make sure the doors are locked. Invest in security and protection. Have a plan for when you’re out of town. Be ready to physically step into an altercation if ever needed. Ask the awkward questions when something feels off.

You’ll respect yourself for stepping into this responsibility, and your family will appreciate it more than you realize.

– Andrew